


Smile for Me

by hongbab



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:52:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9790709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongbab/pseuds/hongbab
Summary: Jaehwan’s smiles are the prettiest.





	

Jaehwan’s smiles are the prettiest.

Even if his lips weren’t so plump, Wonshik thinks, everything else that radiates on his face would make his smiles still look gorgeous.

It’s in his white teeth, in the way the corners of his eyes crinkle, his eyelids turning into crescent moons until he can barely see through them, it’s in the way his cheeks bunch up, and in the glow of his skin.

Wonshik loves to see it.

Except, Jaehwan's smiles haven’t been quite like that lately.

There are still the white teeth, and the crinkles around his eyes, but he’s not beaming anymore—it’s so fake and painfully sad Wonshik's heart aches whenever he sees it.

The difference is most striking after a fansign, when they’re leaving the venue, Jaehwan grinning and waving at the fans while on the way to their van, mouth stretching too wide until it looks like it might rip. He walks to the car, blowing kisses and wishing everyone a safe trip back home, throwing finger hearts at them and telling them he loves each of them. Wonshik follows him, almost forgetting to smile himself, trying to unravel the meaning behind that too tight expression on Jaehwan's face, his stomach in knots from worry.

Jaehwan takes the rearmost seat on the driver’s side, where Wonshik usually sits. He huddles into the corner, just by the shaded window, eyes drooping, not at all in the way they do when he’s sleepy.

“What are you doing?” Hongbin asks when Wonshik makes for the seat next to Jaehwan, about to occupy Hongbin's territory.

“Go take Jaehwan's seat,” Wonshik replies softly.

“But I don’t want to,” Hongbin whines.

“Please, Bin?” Wonshik says, eyes commanding.

Hongbin gives him a murderous glare, but lets him and Sanghyuk climb into the back of the van before he would sit next to Taekwoon.

Jaehwan doesn't wave at the fans this time, lets those in the front do this duty for him, taking his earphones out of his backpack instead, ready to plug them into his phone and ignore everyone around him.

"Are you okay?" Wonshik asks quietly.

"What makes you think I'm not?" Jaehwan asks back, not even the ghost of a smile appearing on his face when he looks at Wonshik.

Wonshik only raises his eyebrows, letting Jaehwan know he can _see_ something's off with him, at which Jaehwan lets out a sigh and squirms a little, resting his head on Wonshik's shoulder. "I'm fine," he mutters, and finally puts in his earphones.

Wonshik takes his hand from on top of Jaehwan's thigh and holds it on the way home.

 

 

It happens again and again; Jaehwan's smiles turn wearier by the day until he looks like he's going to cry whenever he has to crack one. Wonshik can tell he's acting well—the fans don't look concerned, which is probably the best at this point.

"Do you know what's going on with Jaehwan?" Hakyeon asks one night, the bathroom door closed behind them, Hakyeon just about to squeeze toothpaste on his toothbrush.

"I don't," Wonshik says, spitting out some foam.

"Have you tried talking to him?" Hakyeon continues to interrogate him, looking into the mirror to catch Wonshik's gaze. He fails.

"No, Hakyeon, I haven't," Wonshik replies impatiently. He washes the foam out of his mouth and wipes his face with a towel. "I've asked him if he was all right, but you know he won't tell if we flat out ask him about it."

"He's crumbling," Hakyeon says, eyes hard on Wonshik's face, and Wonshik almost feels like a child being scolded by his mother. This is what he hates most in Hakyeon. "He's found comfort in you; you two have been attached at the hip lately. Don't you want to help him?"

"Of course I want to help him," Wonshik rolls his eyes. "He'll tell me. Or you. Or any of us, at one point. But I don't want to pry the thing out of him because I'm afraid... I'm afraid I'd hurt him."

"He's hurting himself. Go talk to him."

"All right!" Wonshik huffs. "But I swear to God if he ends up being more messed up because of this, I swear to God, Hakyeon—"

"Shut up, you're not scary," Hakyeon grimaces, and starts brushing his teeth.

Wonshik tries to think of something witty to respond with, but nothing comes to his mind, so he just shakes his head and leaves the bathroom.

When he knocks on Jaehwan's door, he doesn't get an answer. It's 2 in the morning, so it would make sense he's already asleep, but something tells Wonshik he really isn't. He's contemplating going back into his own bedroom instead, but Hakyeon pokes out his head from behind the bathroom door, and cocks an eyebrow at him with his toothbrush hanging from his mouth. Wonshik pulls a face at him, but presses down the door handle nevertheless.

Jaehwan's room is dark save for his Chopper night light and the dim glow of his phone screen between his fingers, the boy lying on his side with his knees pulled up to his chest.

"Jaehwan-ah," Wonshik says as softly as he can.

Jaehwan doesn't reply, only continues scrolling down on his Twitter feed, giving no sign of having heard Wonshik call his name. Wonshik closes the door behind him and walks to the side of Jaehwan's bed, standing above him, watching his eyelids move slowly as he reads whatever post he finds interesting enough.

"Can we talk?" Wonshik asks.

"I don't want to talk," Jaehwan replies, his voice cracking like he had been crying—Wonshik's heart skips a beat.

"Then can I just lie down here?" Wonshik points at the mattress.

Jaehwan takes a deep breath and scoots away, making room for Wonshik on the bed.

He locks the screen of his phone and hides it under his pillow, so it's just his night light illuminating his face now: deep dark shadows under his puffy eyes, cheeks hollowed, the sharp lines of his clavicles peeking from the collar of his old, grey T-shirt. He looks up at Wonshik and there's no shine in his eyes; they're empty and weary and the sight is like a kick in Wonshik's stomach.

Wonshik reaches out, sweeping some stray locks out of Jaehwan's eyes, caressing his cheek as gently as he can, and Jaehwan shuts his eyes slowly, his breath hitching before it starts to come faster than before.

"Tell me what's wrong," Wonshik pleads, thumb stroking the top of Jaehwan's cheek.

It takes Jaehwan three tries to finally let out a quiet "Everything."

"What does that mean?"

Jaehwan sighs and opens his eyes, glossy and desperate. "It's nothing special," he replies in a weak tone. "All of us have these... these... periods when it's just, too much, right? You have them too, right?"

"I'm not sure if I'm following," Wonshik smiles, and Jaehwan furrows his brow, annoyed, but Wonshik brushes his thumb over the wrinkles between his eyebrows to smooth them out.

"I want to go home," Jaehwan replies finally, glancing down from Wonshik's eyes somewhere at the middle of his chest. "I just want to go home and be with my family and stop having every second of my life full of schedules, and I don't want to sing and seem happy no matter what and I just— I just don't want to do this."

Ah. So that was it. About time for Jaehwan to break—they all do, from time to time, but Jaehwan is always a solid column within the group, never wavering and always cheering up those who have these thoughts. Wonshik has always suspected when it's Jaehwan's turn, it will be way harder for him, because he's always suppressed these feelings and bottled them up until they burst out of him quietly, eating him up from the inside.

"Yeah, I have these periods too," Wonshik says, taking his hand off Jaehwan's face in favour of hugging him close by the waist, tucking his head under his chin. He feels Jaehwan exhale against the base of his throat shakily, melting into the embrace and holding onto Wonshik's hip with his small hand. "It'll go away, Jaehwan-ah. I know it's hard to be so far away from the ones you love most for such a long time, but we'll get some break after we finish promotions. I know you feel like quitting right now, but you'd regret it, believe me. This is your dream, this is your life—it's hard, but it'll get better."

"Are you sure?" Jaehwan mumbles into Wonshik's shirt.

"I am," Wonshik chuckles. "How many times have you heard Hongbin say he'd pack up his stuff and leave even the country just to get rid of this whole thing?"

"He says so every three weeks," Jaehwan replies, and Wonshik feels him smile now.

"Yeah, but he also regrets those words a day later. It'll go away, just, please, don't keep it in for so long next time. You can talk to me, you can talk to Hakyeon, you can even talk to Taekwoon if you don't want a comprehensive speech about this kind of stuff."

Jaehwan laughs, and Wonshik's heart swells with relief.

"What about Hongbin and Hyukie?"

"Hongbin would probably plan your joint escape and you guys wouldn't find your way back until weeks later," Wonshik replies, bringing his hand up to Jaehwan's head and twirling his hair against his finger. "Hyukie... well, I think he'd freak out and toss you out of the room and scream for Hakyeon to do something about you."

Jaehwan unfolds Wonshik's arm around him and pulls back, looking up into his eyes. He doesn't look that sad anymore, though there's still a strange glint in his eyes, but at least he's really smiling now.

"So I'm stuck with you, huh?" he asks.

"I mean, you can cuddle with me and I even say funny things, so," Wonshik shrugs, "I'm pretty much your best choice."

Jaehwan snorts, nuzzling back into Wonshik's hold.

"Please, never leave, Wonshik-ah," he whispers.

"You, neither."

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to talk to me about any of my stories or just vixx in general on [tumblr](http://hongbab.tumblr.com/), [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/hongbab) or [aff](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1061753) ♡ please support me on [ko-fi.com](https://ko-fi.com/hongbab) if you can ♡


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